I Kinda Believe

This film should win alot of awards - Vigourous deployment of airbags (2), best impailment of Amanda Peet (and lets face it, who hasn't wanted to see her impailed before), ugliest ugliest ugliest duvet cover (the one that Mulder and Scully share in their subtlely revealed 'live in' relationship) and most importantly 'best line' so far in any movie of 2008 as Dana Scully scowls across the room at Billy Connolly's disgraced peodophile priest: "Well, let's not forget, he buggered 37 altar boys". Bugger, she had my attention. And hold it she did as well, for this is an extended episode of 'The X Files' that very much belongs to Gillian Anderson's Scully and not to the once great Fox Mulder (David Duchovny).

Anderson is a revelation as the perma-frowning Scully. Years of slumming it in indie films and BBC dramas have obviously made her relish coming back to the role that made her everyone's favourite sometimes-chunky (depending on what season you're watching) FBI sceptic. She approaches the part with a new attitude and it is all a believable progression from when we last saw Scully. The story thread revolving around her desperately trying to save the life of a young terminally ill child is a definite highlight - am I saying that because I am so dulled down by 'Grey's Anatomy' that I want everything to be a hospital drama? For whatever reason I thoroughly enjoyed Scully sticking it up that big earred British actor and the 'higher power' he relies on for guidence. She's Scully for fucks sake, if she wants to perform experimental stem cell procedures on the little retard don't let your religious beliefs get in the way (now i'm side tracked).

And I'm back..

Duchovny on the other hand, who hasn't been slumming it in the stunning Showtime comedy 'Californication' appears to be going through the Fox Mulder motions, and the beard is just silly, silly, silly silly - OK so you're a recluse, it doesn't mean you stop shaving - such a fucking cliche - the only character in movie history who has pulled off wearing a beard this bad is Matt Hooper (Jaws reference 2). And how does Mulder survive the dog attack? He has always been such a ' sister searching' pussy - he doesn't beat up and decapitate rottweilers.

Let's face it, with a plot about Russian organ harvesting the film is not really an 'x file' at all, but the Billy Connolly 'I may be a peodophile priest who has buggered 37 alter boys but I'm also a psychic who can help you find dead bodies' link kind of gives it the supernatural element it needs to be put into the 'x' box. Connolly is surprisingly very good, mainly because I completely believe that he has buggered 37 alter boys - why is he always so filthy and ungroomed looking? Unfortunately he is used as a tenuous link to help move the plot along when it needs a tenuous link to move it along - but even with a tenuous linker like Connolly it still held my interest.

The most tenuous link is when the bad guy, who Mulder lost in a foot pursuit leading to Amanda Peet's untimely impalement only minutes before, drives up and parks ouside the pet food store where Mulder is now circulating photos of the bad guy - please.

I think the removal of the persistent sexual tension between Mulder and Scully that dogged the series helps alot. We know they are fucking (under that hideous duvet), and indeed co-habitating from minute 14, and we don't spend a second of the film worrying that they may or may not kiss - it allows us to focus our energy on trying to believe that Xzibit can actually act - even though he is only being asked to play a grunting FBI stooge (if that was too subtle for you - Xzibit really sucks playing a grunting FBI stooge).

At 104 minutes it doesn't outstay it's welcome and I can honestly say I didn't squirm in my comfortable reclining armchair once, even with my current tickled anus (Curb Your Enthusiasm reference 1). I am in love with the Apollo West End - my new local. So luxurious, and peeing on those plastic ice cube things in the urinals was so worth the visit - and air conditioning too (take note Clapham PictureHouse).

And I'm back again..

The X Files - I Want to Believe is not going to please everyone. It is a stand alone story, so everyone who wants to try and believe has been given the opportunity. It pleased me. Didn't make me clap and cheer (maybe it would if I had seen it in Battersea), but it left me feeling kinda moist and was worth seeing just for the rejigged X Files theme by UNKLE which features over the closing credits - It pleased me enough to go and buy the soundtrack - even though that fat fuck at Zavvi told me it hadn't been released - but that is another episode.

PS: I did nearly clap at the appearance of Mitch Pileggi as Assistant Director Walter Skinner - I bet even Billy Connolly's buggering psychic didn't see that bald bastard coming.