Unbelieveable things from Joan's mouth 1...

Flatmate Joan (yes, the one with the vibrators) does say some very interesting things on occasion. Last weekend during a routine conversation she shocked Richard and I with her viewpoint on race relations when she uttered: "It's the bad type of white people I don't like". As if this jaw dropping statement was not enough for Richard and I (both white) she then finished with: "I'd forgive it from an ethnic person". An. Ethnic. Person? Richard has gone away for a few days (coincidence - I think not).

Joan and the Vibrators

I stumbled across Joan (Flatmate 2) in the lounge tonight with 2 new vibrators (the Mini Thorn & the Stubby Pool).

In the course of the conversation she then uttered the following vibrator related dialogue:

"It's quite hard".

"Oh god - oh no" (She didn't even break a sweat here).

"It's like an ice cream".

"It looks like a little sword".

"Is there one person or two involved in that".

"So they're about the same length".

"This one feels nicer than that one" (Things were getting a little hairy here for my liking - she was in the lounge after all).

Following on from this Joan then commented: "They lose their elasticity after a while" - (Aren't there exercises you do to get that back?).

And then as if things couldn't get any worse Richard (Flatmate 1) asked Joan: "You don't have a blindfold I can borrow do you?" to which Joan (looking up from the 14 page 'Guide to Bondage' booklet) replied: "I do".

Crikey - an eventful night on the couch. I have learnt even more about the usually very bookish Joan. I wonder what wikipedia would make of the evening's entertainment.

I am concerned - I am very concerned.

Tesco Beggar

Richard and I exited Tesco at 8.04pm tonight.

Beggar: Hey mates. Have you got 48 wankin' pence?

Damian: Yes, yes I have thank you.

Smile. Walk away.

48?

wankin'?